There will be several posts today, because I want the posts to each be about one thing, instead of a sprawling mass of things. So the first major post I have is the answer to the question in the title: why now?
My bank accounts are empty (they won't be when I get financial aid money in August, but I digress). I'm a student, and getting respectable grades. Why would I want to throw everything into flux with a baby?
The answer is that I've given this a lot of thought. More thought than I've seen almost anyone put into this choice, except my housemate, J, who is still on the fence and may also begin her odyssey this year -- she may be more obsessive than me on this. I did a lot of research. The money situation will be tight, it's true. However, more services are available for mothers than for women without children. The state I live in is exceptionally generous with both health insurance and daycare assistance for children of low-income parents, including students like my husband and I. In fact, we would no longer have to purchase the overpriced and underutilized mandatory health insurance from our university, saving us about $2000 per year.
I do not feel guilty or bad about needing to use these state services. In my opinion, they are exactly for women in situations like mine -- who are trying to better their lives, working toward a degree or a better job, who need some temporary assistance. I believe that, if anything, the state should ensure more services for women (both low-income and otherwise) so that reproductive choice is truly about choices, rather than about the best of several difficult options. If you have an issue with me using state services, or conceiving voluntarily in full knowledge of needing them, I will note that I will pay income taxes to the United States for the rest of my adult life, starting in three years, when I graduate from college. I will be a teacher, so I know my degree will be immediately useful in getting a job. I am taking from "the system." I will give back to it one day soon. If you still have problems with that, I highly advise just leaving this blog, since I will be discussing the trials and tribulations of getting these services as well.
The main expenses of childrearing, in the first several years, are diapers, food, medical expenditures, and daycare. However, even if I conceived today (which, I suppose, could happen), my child would only be two years old when I graduate. Six months of that, I intend to exclusively breastfeed. For the remainder, I will still breastfeed, but I will also do what my own mother did, making frozen baby food and sourcing as much as possible from farmer's markets and other places I can trust to be grown sustainably and without unnecessary chemicals. I am intending to use cloth diapers, and when I find out I am pregnant, I will be purchasing two or three one-size-fits-all cloth diapers (a genius invention!) per month throughout the pregnancy, so that I have a stash when the baby is born. My housemate who is also probably going to try to conceive is working with me to get other baby items from garage sales, thrift stores, and Craigslist.
So my question is: why not now? I have spent the last several years in various positions of responsibility with infants, toddlers, and preschoolers. I feel very prepared to deal with a child, and because my plans after graduation are currently set to involve travel and semi-permanent residence on another continent, I would prefer to have a baby here in the U.S. rather than waiting to have it in China. I have a support network here that would help me through the most difficult parts of childbirth and infancy, a support network I will be unlikely to have elsewhere.
I have wanted to have a baby for about four years. It is very likely, given family history, that I could miscarry once or twice before successfully carrying a pregnancy to term. Given these things, I think waiting longer would be silly. I feel emotionally and psychologically ready for parenthood. If I wait for the perfect circumstances, the perfect time, it may never come. Why not try now?
1 comment:
I remember that you said the sex drive of the women in your family was pretty high; how has the birthing been? I appreciate your description of staying in shape even when your weight was high. So it sounds like your take care of yourself. I guess what I'm asking is, do you think the use of hormones to regulate your fertility has affected your ability to carry a child? The question has nothing to do with any political or religious issue, just a consideration that perhaps using drugs to prevent your body from doing what it naturally does can have a long-term consequence later on.
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